With two children of their own, Tim and Sian have been fostering for almost five years, having transferred from an Independent Fostering Agency to foster with Hampshire County Council. Tim shares their fostering story with us…
“Being a Policeman I had seen the other side of things. I was still working when we started fostering but I took early retirement and now Sian and I foster together. Growing up our home was full of children from all walks of life. My Mum cared for everyone she met. Sian saw what my family had given children that needed that bit extra and now we foster children as young as one, up to the teens.
Our children are 10- and 13- years old and they play an integral part of the children’s journey. From introductions to when they move on; our kids will often ask about children that have moved on. They like to see how they’re doing and what they’re up to. We often stay in text contact so the children always know if they need to chat or to ask us something, they know they can.
In lockdown it was hard for the children who couldn’t see their birth families face-to-face. We cared for some children whose Mum had been injured, and she was unable to care for her children for a short time. We made sure we video called Mum as much as possible.
When foster children come to you, they come with their own ideas and ways of doing things. You have to be flexible and show them you are willing to bend to their way of doing things, then they let you in a little more. In our family we give them as much as we can, with the time we have with them. We want them to enjoy their time with us. One young boy we were looking after had never really been on holiday. We took him to West Bay and went swimming; he had not really been on holiday and he absolutely loved it. To see him enjoying himself was great.
When I was a policeman, I’ve seen where some children live and you think to yourself, ‘you deserve better than this’. In our home we like to do things together. The children will bake a cake with my Dad or watch football with him; all the normal things you do as a family. It’s part of doing whatever you’re doing with your other kids.
Until everyone has got used to living together, you don’t know the child initially so it’s important to make that individual feel valued, wanted and worth it. You have to be flexible and open minded about things, which may mean doing things you might not choose yourself. These children and young people have their own history, their own story. Kids appreciate being treated fairly and we want everyone to get along and feel at home.
We find with Hampshire County Council they try and match the child’s needs with your skills; the skills we learnt being parents ourselves and the training that Hampshire provide. We never make too much of goodbyes as it might be their choice to leave and that’s ok. We like to take them out for dinner and introduce them to their next home, but it really does depend on what’s best for the individual child. Foster carers like us just want to help change a child’s life for the better, that’s why you do it.”