When our children had flown the nest, we were looking for something to combine our skills and experience – fostering strengthened our bond as we wanted to give back. Initially we got in to fostering by helping young people who were engaging in criminal behaviour. We were starting to see their progress and connection we’d made with them, but it was only a 12-week program. So, we decided to foster with Hampshire County Council and remained caring for a lovely young lad up until he was 18.
Young people give you so much back; they show you things from a different point of view. We love welcoming them in and seeing them relax in our company, and to give them a space where they feel safe. We also love seeing them take opportunities like seeing them learn how to drive or go to college. I’m a full-time foster carer and Joy works in school as a pastoral year leader in a school. It works well for us in case I need to collect a young person from school or support them in a meeting.
We have been together since we were teenagers and married when we were 17 & 18 years old. We have three children, but one sadly passed away when they were younger. When we aren’t in the COVID lockdown, we enjoy family time with our children, foster children & grandchildren. We have one dog called Whisky which one of our foster children helped to choose and he’s amazing with our young people.
When we were thinking about fostering, I just thought let’s try and put ourselves forward and see – if you think it’s not right for you or not right now, that’s ok. I think you fear you’ll be judged on the mistakes you’ve made rather than your potential, or that the assessment will take up all your personal life – but we found it was more like having a cup of tea with a social worker. You ask yourself will I be able to do a good job? Will the parents of the foster children be against me? All I can say in all the years I’ve been fostering I’ve found birth parents know their situation means they can’t take care of their child and they want the best for their child.
When we first started fostering, I thought it would be like Paddington bear and all the children would be all grateful, but that’s not the reality. They’re not charity cases, they deserve dignity and respect. We just look at every young person as an individual and have different expectations, we start small and see what’s possible. For some young people that’s getting GCSE’s, for others that’s just going to school or seeing them genuinely relax and smile. We try and stay open to new ideas, not be too ridged; teens are great at showing you things from another angle.
It is hard saying goodbye. We like to choose a meal the young person likes and have that together. We also like to give them some food they like to take onto their new place. We take them there ourselves with their things and help settle them in. We give them their savings we’d kept for them and a card to say goodbye with a present. For example, one lad had lost a silver chain his Dad had got him, so we got him a replacement chain.
We’ve found Hampshire has offered us chances to grow professionally and to challenge ourselves, that’s what we want. The training is of really good quality and it’s an inclusive place to be.
If you’ve ever thought about fostering, in Simon’s words ‘just put yourself forward and see – nothing can be lost by that. You’ve not committed to anything by making an enquiry – if you think it’s not right for you or not right now, that’s ok”.
Simon & Joy & Whisky the dog are not their real names, all other details are.