My husband Terry and I have been together for 23 years and have fostered for six years, mainly looking after babies and occasionally toddlers. We’re currently approved for 0-10 years and have cared for 11 little ones so far. I looked into fostering a while ago as I’ve always had a background of care, but we wanted to wait until our own children were settled. Terry has two children, a 32-year-old son and a 31-year-old daughter, and I have a 31-year-old son.
With lots of care experience working with care agencies, I was also a dental nurse previously and later became a phlebotomist in a GP surgery. One day when I was working in the GP surgery, I thought to myself, ‘Why aren’t I doing what I’ve always wanted to do?’ I came home from the surgery and told Terry how I felt. He was on board with the idea of fostering and because we run a building company, I am fortunate enough to not have to work full-time anymore meaning we can really invest our time into fostering.
Moving on to a forever family
The time it takes from being approved as a foster carer to getting your first placement varies for each new foster carer. Our first placement came within days and the baby we cared for was unfortunately addicted to heroin. It was a positive outcome in the end, and she went home to her family. ‘What happens to child when they leave you?’ is one question people ask quite often. Three of the little ones we’ve cared for went back to their families and six have been adopted - we’re currently looking after our 10th baby. If it’s safe, reuniting children with their families is usually the best option. I must say, adoption is magical. It’s so lovely to see the parents’ faces for the first time when they adopt one of the children you are caring for. It hurts so much when they leave. I think the stronger the attachment, the more I get upset but strong attachments are important. If there is no forever family out there for them, there’s always a forever home for them here with us. With us, they will always find a home no matter what.
I do like to meet the birth families at contact, and it makes me feel really good knowing I’m helping the babies go back to their families if it’s safe to do so. Birth families also get support like us foster carers; they have a social worker, regular reviews, and our support too. I would consider myself really lucky because I have kept close relationships with all my placements and their families once they’ve left our home, except for two, which is ok because you have to understand and respect their wishes too. Seeing their family complete is wonderful.
After day 14 of the child being adopted, it’s up to the new parents to stay in touch with you. It’s lovely because these parents love this child as much as we do. Whatever suggestions we give to new parents are in the best interests of the child and some people don’t get that but it’s nice when parents can confide in you. We get called Auntie and Uncle, or more often ‘Terry and Bubs’ because we’ve become more than just family.
Assessment and training
We’re approved for two unrelated babies, which we’ve only done once, and it was challenging. The hardest part was that they left at very similar times. You have to remember they’re not your own and when children are ill it’s much harder. You do have the support of your social worker though
and I have a nice network of foster carer friends. In fact, I’ve made three life-long friends through fostering and the training courses. They’re similar to me and they foster for the same reason as me. We believe all children deserve to be loved and to see children get back on track is so lovely. Babies and toddlers can be easier than older children in some ways, but you have them for 24hrs of the day and they can’t tell you when they need you. Some foster carers find babies and toddlers more difficult than teenagers, but like I said it really depends on you and your skillset.
Fostering is very different now compared to when I was younger. Everyone deserves to know the truth about their life, which is why I write diaries and keep photo albums for the children. I add notes to photos about when and why we went somewhere and what we did. I keep memorabilia for them too, even if it’s a leaf from a floor from a day out we’ve had. We do more for the foster children than our own. I may not be there to be able to tell them these things when they grow up.
Our assessment was with an Independent Social Worker (ISW) and they were really lovely. There were lots of things I wasn’t expecting, for example contacting my ex-husband. I was a bit concerned it might drag things back up and in truth it did worry me initially, but actually it was ok. The financial part of the assessment was ok too, as was the medical history. Be prepared because there are lots of questions, but they are all relevant.
The training was hysterical – hearing people’s stories were just funny, and we had such a good group. I loved the training and we had Donna from the Recruitment and Assessment Team who happened to get us our first placement. She was brilliant and we got on really well. I’m still friends with one of the girls in that group. It’s interesting to see how different all carers are.
When it comes to training post-approval, I prefer to do it online because it’s easier with the baby. I only leave the baby with someone I trust if I do have to go. The babies are part of our training. There are some mandatory courses and other interest ones too – if it’s relevant to me then I really enjoy it. Sudden Infant Deaths training and development and attachment are great courses for everyone caring for babies because they tell you why attachment is so important. I like to keep on top of everything when it comes to training.