Barbara and Tom have been fostering for nearly seven years. They started their fostering journey when their own children (Thomas and Oliver) were 14 and 17. Their eldest son is now 23 and has autism and refractory epilepsy – he works with The Right to Work Scheme at Staunton. Thomas is nearly 20 and is a PGA golf professional.
“We are very proud of our boys and although we’ve always been really busy people (Tom and I owned a café and Wine bar until 2010), family life has always meant everything to us. We felt blessed and wanted to give others the opportunity of feeling part of a nurturing and loving family too.” Says Barbara. Read on to find out more about Tom and Barbara’s fostering experience.
Why do you care about fostering?
“We care deeply about fostering. We have fostered 25 children – 5 of whom are with us now in long-term placements – 2 sibling groups. We do our utmost to offer a normal, family life and encourage the children in our care to become confident, can-do, resilient young people who can grow up to live positive, fulfilling lives. The children’s birth family are a significant part of their lives and we are strong advocates for maintaining contact and relationships with birth family wherever possible and facilitate this through being really hands-on with organising and supervising contact (either in our home or within the community).”
How did you become foster carers?
“We were originally going to apply for the Shared Lives scheme to support young adults with learning disabilities but there were no vacancies at the time, so we applied to become foster carers instead. I started off my adult life by doing a nursing degree and later went into teaching Health and Social Care at 6th form Colleges. Our son’s disability was then the trigger for me to specialise in teaching adults with autism and learning disabilities and I coordinated and managed a unit for 200 young people aged 14-25 with learning disabilities, challenging behaviour and life limiting conditions.
Tom joined the Royal Navy at 16 and left as an officer in 1988. During his time in the Navy he had a pastoral role supporting junior ratings. When he left he set about building and running a catering business employing a predominantly young workforce. There is no doubt that our varied life experiences and job roles, in addition to raising a child with complex needs have helped us in our fostering journey!”
What type of foster care do you provide?
“When we started out, we were approved for short-term and respite placements, but our fourth placement (6 months in) turned into a long term one. We have since offered out-of-hours placements (known as OOHs), respite, emergency, unaccompanied asylum-seeking children, short term and long-term placements. Our youngest child wanted to be older than the foster children living with us, so we initially placed children aged 7 – 14.
As our youngest son got older, we placed older children and focused on teenagers and teenagers with special needs. We now have 5 looked after children in long term placements aged 11,12,13,15 and 17 alongside our two sons who also live at home aged 19 and 23. It is unusual to have so many children in placement. There were special, mitigating circumstances and we required exemptions for this.”
Can you foster if you have pets?
“We have lots of pets. We have found animals to be very therapeutic, although this isn’t always the case and obviously depends on the child and their past experiences. Initially we just had our golden retriever, Elsa who is Foster Dog Extraordinaire and a great icebreaker when a new placement arrives. Our menagerie has since grown and we now have a giant house bunny, 16 chickens, 9 ducks, 4 geese and 4 kid goats. We are about to extend the family to 2 guinea-pigs, as our two youngest boys have shown themselves to be responsible enough to have their own pet to look after.”
What skills and experience do foster carers need?
“I definitely think having children of your own is helpful but fostering and being a parent yourself aren’t mutually exclusive. I know of some amazing foster carers who have never had their own children. I also know of some who have several young children of their own and still foster another 3! I think it is important to have some experience of childcare, especially with the ages you want to foster. You need to be organised, have a sense of humour, a sense of fun and good communication skills. You need to be aware of your own preferences, attitudes and beliefs. You need to be able to recognise when you’re becoming stressed and offload to someone before it overwhelms you. You need to be an equally good listener. Being a diplomat and pragmatist are also useful traits!”
What has your fostering experience been like so far with Hampshire?
“We are really lucky in that we are working with three children’s’ social workers who are absolutely awesome. We are treated as part of the team and the social workers are child-centred and work hard to build relationships with the children. The training is really organised and the support via the fostering team and support groups is there when you need it.”
What advice would you give to new foster carers?
“Stay calm, be consistent, use humour to engage, record anything that you’ve given even a second thought to, listen to your gut instinct, be a strong advocate but stay professional, learn from others, make time for you.”