Something that few people talk about is contact with birth parents. Fostering is where you provide a temporary place for a child to stay until long term plans are made for them. Long term plans may be adoption, they may stay in foster care until they turn 18 or they may be reunited with their birth family. Reunification is desirable, but it’s not always possible and completely depends on the family circumstances. As a foster carer you will likely be expected to take the child to ‘contact’. Contact is where you meet the birth parent in a neutral environment so they can see their child/children.
When you first meet the child’s parent/s you might be judgemental at first, because you might not understand how a parent can get into a situation that leads to their child going into care. It makes your life easier as a foster carer to make an effort with the parent. If something was to ever happen to me and my children ended up in care, I would want their foster carer to be respectful to me. Contact can be scary at first but it’s important you keep having these visits. Whatever the parent has done, these children have this unconditional love for them despite what has happened.
Initially parents are embarrassed and can be a bit angry. The only control they have at that time is to complain and sometimes, they try to nit-pick at what you’re doing. For example, how you’ve styled their child’s hair or what clothes they are wearing. You need to be prepared to expect comments so ask them questions and get them involved. I create a contact book where I add appointments and relay what we’ve been up to. For example, we splashed in puddles on Monday and at the weekend we went to the beach. The book helps with conversation between them and their child without you having to prompt and it’s something they can add to and feel included. Giving them reassurance and being thankful for their input helps you build that rapport with them.