From our experience, we found it helps taking the children with you on your holidays. Now, you might not be able to always do this because you do need a break from fostering; everyone needs respite sometimes. These children really do become part of your family and so it’s nice to include them on these trips away, like camping or our Haven holidays. Foster carers are entitled to two-weeks paid respite and the children also get allowances for holidays.
Our social worker became a good friend, she was incredibly supportive and knew our strengths. She linked me with a buddy called Wendy* who was also a foster carer. Wendy and I remain really good friends. She’s 70 now and unfortunately lost her husband during the Covid-19 pandemic. She’s adopted numerous times, has three long-term places, and still does respite. We would go on camping holidays together and our husbands would watch football on Sundays. These trips away were good for the children to see each other and allowed us a chance to catch up and bounce off each other. Wendy started fostering in her 20s, so she has a wealth of experience and taught me a lot. It’s nice to have someone there who’s local to you so you can pop round for a chat and ask them your questions. I couldn’t have done it without her.
Fostering is not always easy, so your support networks are invaluable. You need someone you can rely on. Sometimes you just need five minutes, so if you’ve got someone who can take the child out for a dog walk so you can have a moment to compose yourself makes a difference. Just be aware that some people can be a bit funny about fostering and have negative misconceptions, even in your close circle of family and friends. Fostering isn’t a quick decision to make so just ensure you have a good support network around you. The new Hampshire Hive support network sounds fantastic; something all new foster carers should consider.
As you become more experienced, you realise what age fits in with you. As a new foster carer, I would suggest trying a few different age groups to find out where your skillset sits and who you are comfortable caring for. Some people prefer teenagers to babies, for me I’m good at 2-9 years. Nothing can really prepare you until you have children in your house. Children do break toys because some haven’t had them before, and others don’t know how to express themselves. At first you might be shocked but at the end of the day it’s not the end of the world. You have to be realistic and pick your battles sometimes. There’s nothing you can’t do so try not to react and avoid the word ‘no’ where you can; I’ve learnt that with my own grandchildren now.
The kids give you so much more than you can give them. It’s the first hug they give you or the first smile they beam when they’re with you. You’re so proud when you say goodbye because of the progression they have made since being with you. It’s the little things that are gobsmackingly huge and that make you think ‘wow, that’s amazing’; you can’t get that anywhere else.
Even to this day, some of the children we’ve cared for are all grown up yet still keep in touch. One young boy called Caleb* was 5 when he left us and he’s now 24 yet still remembers Busted our black Labrador. Caleb told us he remembers when Busted would poo under the trampoline and I would have to crawl underneath to pick it up and it always made him laugh. All these memories that you wouldn’t think they remember, yet they do.
I’m so proud to say I’ve fostered. We have so many stories to look back on, good and bad. Fostering is so rewarding, and I’ll never forget it; it really is an amazing thing to do. If you’re considering it, do it - there’s no harm in finding out more. If you are interested in the Hampshire Hive, support, allowances and more click here.
*Name has been changed.